Who are you following?
I wrote this when I could no longer sit in a leadership role in a church that repeatedly failed to live up to even the lowest expectations of shepherding the people. When apathy was so prevalent that I felt to stay made me complicit in deceiving the people about the vision and practice of church. It’s straight from my journal, so the thoughts may run together and it may sound pretty dreary. It took a lot out of me to experience this environment for almost two years. I was trying to make sense out of why things had gotten this apathetic. As I wrote this my body was physically feeling the effects, but it was the beginning of the turnaround to walk out of the darkness…
January 2024
Did you follow Jesus or a system?
Apathy - What if it comes from disappointment and let down because when you came to Jesus it was because HE drew you, and the Word living and active sang to your spirit. As the first disciples did, someone invited you to a relationship with a personal living Savior. Your first love. Or perhaps you were attracted to the community - the personal development promised – “find your people find your purpose”. Two very powerful needs that are often what draws people to a church. And maybe the church capitalizes on that - an attraction model that pulls people in with the intent of introducing Jesus once they're a part of the community. You came to Jesus, and maybe you were taught about faith in the context of a relationship. Or were you taught rules? Either way you were probably exposed to the benefits of following Christ, which may have included: “the word is taught as infallible and inspired by God”, and some “amazing promises”. And maybe you connected with the living Christ through his Word and prayer, and this abundant life was a reality for you. And you were able to connect with God above the physical circumstances you live in - the spiritual reality that is the Kingdom of God. You chart your course based on this relationship that is spiritual and biblically driven. You are living the abundant life, and it's rich and satisfying because you follow Jesus, and he brings you community and purpose. For you Jesus is the end, not the means. It's not perfect, but it's real and it's powerful. For you it seems that following Christ is even better than you imagined.
I fear that many others started like this, perhaps even as children. You may have been taught Jesus is your best friend, and he was. Your childlike relationship with him felt real - it made sense. But what if... instead of being led into a relational, spiritual, transformative path of following Jesus you were actually led into a system (denominational, from a certain seminary, or a personality who is dynamic and charismatic). The promises from scripture are the same, and you may have even experienced them – joy, peace, victory over sin, companionship. It may have even been so radical of a change that you actually received negative feedback inside the system. “We don't practice those gifts here.” “God doesn't speak like that.” “You can't live by blind faith.” “God wants you to be more productive.” “Ministry isn't going to support you.” Or my favorite: “That's not in our doctrinal statement.”
Whatever the conflict was you may have chosen the system over the following Jesus, because the system does have some overlap, and “they're probably right.” But what if your experience never included the abundant life of peace and joy, and you only got as far as this human-built system could take you. If that were the case, at some point your heart may have become discouraged, because what you experienced seemed to be missing that vibrant powerful peaceful joyful component that attracted you, or that you authentically experienced in the beginning. Systems can't save you. They can only provide structure and framework - they have a place, but it still has to fall under the authority and headship of Christ. If it doesn't it will let you down. If you don't know this you'll believe it's Jesus that doesn't follow through on the promises in scripture.
At any point of course the Spirit intercedes and we can see. He overcomes the system all the time. But if you haven't seen the power of Jesus through your system it's possible you're in a counterfeit church - one that is actually devoted to another purpose than to grow people into Christ followers. Maybe by the time you realize this those memories are so distant, or life has become so full of other things you just lower the expectations of the system, and never mind trying to find Jesus. Apathy sets in because being disappointed repeatedly (hope deferred) isn't something most people want to endure. “Lower your expectations”, and you won't be disappointed. Unfortunately Jesus, who exceeds anything we could even imagine much less expect, gets confused with the system of man, which can only disappoint. Sadly those God-shaped voids still exist and we either live unfulfilled, which is depressing (literally), or we look for things to fulfill, which is ineffective but can waste a whole life. The sad irony is that Jesus, the one who meets every need, is always within reach, but the counterfeit tricked us. Actually now I'm not sure which is worse, walking away or staying without hope. The apathy that results from hopelessness turns into acceptance of a lesser life without the abundance Jesus brings.
What to do? Follow the Savior. Learn who he is and what he called His children to embrace-learn all of it - not just what the system endorses. Jesus left us His Spirit, and his Word. His Word tells us how to organize ourselves, and His Spirit empowers us. The Spirit also lives in each one of us we surrendered to his guidance and the correct order emerges.