When you’ve been deceived
It’s probably obvious that most of the content on the Wilderness Journal comes from my own experiences within a “religious” context. Not all of the experiences were mine, but many were things that happened in and around the culture of the faith community I was a part of for many years. Fortunately the whole genre of “church hurt” and “spiritual abuse” education is becoming more visible. It’s unfortunate is that its necessary, but VERY fortunate that the dynamics of abuse of power and toxic systems are becoming understood. This is something I wrote for myself, to get my arms around what I was seeing in a very consistent pattern. Books have been written about this, and I’ve read several. The insidious nature of these systems is how they pull people into the cycle and they become integrated in such a way that they don’t see the dysfunction.
This is merely what I’ve observed, and questions I have asked myself. My motivation to understand this dynamic is to recognize this is NOT FROM GOD! We do not want to settle for this as the Body of Christ.
Disclaimer: it’s always possible that you were completely flawless and healthy in your approach to life, and were just so effectively targeted that the scheme was undetectable. For the sake of wisdom and future discernment and growth, and because God is refining our hearts for healing as much as our minds for learning, I made this list. This is not to bring shame, but to help us recognize ways we may have fallen into the pattern ourselves.
Questions to consider asking yourself if you’ve been involved in a toxic, abusive or narcissistic system.
- [ ] Were they telling me what I wanted to hear, believe or see?
- [ ] Did they lower the bar on my personal accountability so I ignored their lack of it?
- [ ] Did I turn away from red flags because they offered me access to something I felt I deserved?
- [ ] Did their promotions of my interest, feed my loyalty and thus my self-deception?
- [ ] Did I learn to work around the system to get my priorities accomplished?
- [ ] Did my loyalty trump my discernment?
- [ ] When I finally faced the reality of intentional deception, deep inside, did I say to myself “I knew it”?
- [ ] Was I afraid to rock the boat, so I convinced myself I was being critical or judgmental? Or worse…divisive?!
- [ ] Did I think I could make up for it by trying to help the deceiver to change?
- [ ] Was I just too busy to care or too preoccupied with my own life and circumstances to take it on?
The Bible contains several passages that give us responsibility for our own deception, or so it would appear.
“Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters.” James 1:16 CSB
“Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good morals.’” 1 Corinthians 15:33 CSB
“Don’t be deceived: God is not mocked. For whatever a person sows he will also reap,” Galatians 6:7 CSB
“For this is what the Lord of Armies, the God of Israel, says: ‘Don’t let your prophets who are among you and your diviners deceive you, and don’t listen to the dreams you elicit from them,’”Jeremiah 29:8 CSB
If you find that you don’t know how to tell the difference between conviction from the Lord and condemnation from the enemy, then you will want to learn more about God and His character as a loving Father. Discomfort that corrects ought not be avoided, but dread from accusation and condemnation needs to be dealt with differently. The enemy has us believing that there are only two choices: shame and blame on one side or turning our eyes away, and ignoring it on the other. This is a result of ignorance about biblical conflict resolution and correction. We have the Holy Spirit within us who gives us conviction, wisdom, discernment, direction and even supernatural revelation. We don’t have to continue to live under deception.