Resolutions

1. The state or quality of being resolute; firm determination: faced the situation with resolution.

a. A firm decision to do something

b. A course of action determined or decided on

2. The act of solving or explaining a problem or puzzle.

3. The resolving or concluding of a dispute or disagreement.

4. The part of a literary work in which the complications of the plot are resolved or simplified.

There have been similar times in my life where I felt I had to stop returning to the same unresolved topics, the same conversations, the same spiritual ponderings which had been consistent over time, without certainty. Having spent a full year in what I will call “recovery mode” after leaving my church of over 25 years, I can start to make some resolutions about the experience, and some resolutions about the future. It’s a tendency of mine to stay a little longer than necessary in the contemplation and discussion process. It goes back to my fear of making big mistakes, or of being criticized. Which goes back to unbelief and lack of trust in God’s involvement in the situation. I will try to throw that off, replace it with trust and confidence that what I have resolved here is the result of God’s granting me discernment and wisdom. He’s provided so many resources along the way – in the form of people, messages, books and experiences. I’ll be setting out these resolutions with humility that they may be incorrect and that God is Lord over that as well.

I have resolved that what I experienced at my church as failure to shepherd God’s people well was the result of at least two major things that intersected: An inappropriate structure based on systems of the secular world rather than Kingdom of God principles, and sinful toxic leadership. I have zero doubt on either account. As for the community at large, whether it was well-intentioned, or intentionally manipulating, spiritual language that bypassed accountability and discouraged questioning of authority was a major accomplice to the system that kept people hanging on for change. It kept me in the cycle for well over a decade.

I have resolved that our ministry model that separates out every member of the family, so that each person has their own group does not cultivate healthy community and it divides families. My children’s entire life experience was within this model, and I regret the time we spent outsourcing their discipleship to this system. We had early years of strong friendships with other families and were able to serve alongside our kids on mission trips and summer programs. But in hindsight, this type of ministry model fills our calendars with activities and segregates our church life from our lives in the community. It creates a consumer culture, as most people now look for churches based on their programs.

I have resolved that the church in general is experiencing (or will experience) the discipline of God. I have the sense that God is offering us a wilderness journey, not unlike the Israelite’s exodus from Egypt. I say “offer” – that added word just came out – because I view the current world system, and the “Big Church” (or Christendom) as Egypt. As Pharoah. These organizations, and the people loyal to them many have become so comfortable in their obedience to a system that they would rather stay than explore with curiosity what is “out there” with God in the wilderness.

I was faithful to the kind of church we attended because the implicit (and sometimes explicit) message was, “This is a Bible-based church, and therefore everything we do here is based on the Bible, making it true and correct.”  A more accurate description would have been, “We believe in traditional Christian doctrine, which is based on biblical passages interpreted and packaged into something called Systematic Theology.” I resolve to release myself from a packaged belief system that is based on selective scriptures and packaged doctrine.

I have resolved that the CEO-type, board of directors-based leadership model that many churches follow is absolutely not conducive to a church community that lives out biblical Christianity. The fact that so many major crises involving abuse of power and cover ups have occurred within this model cannot be explained away as a bug in the system. It’s a feature. I don’t plan on ever being involved in a church structure like this again. If we keep making excuses for it by believing it is not THE problem, then we are delusional and deceiving ourselves and others that the Kingdom is well-served in this way.

I’ve known this for a few years now. I wrote this in December 2023 which was the last month I could tolerate being involved in the leadership of my church. I stepped down from my volunteer role in January, and quit attending altogether in September 2024.

“When I read the stories of the early church, I don’t see a bunch of study debating about theology. I see following Jesus, sharing the Good News, suffering at times, and massive growth, accompanied by signs and wonders. How much more head knowledge do we need before we put our knowledge to service of the Gospel and our Lord? What is the purpose of men studying systematic theology when there is nobody teaching younger men how to read their Bible?

“You do not have His word abiding in you, for you do not believe Him whom He sent. You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; it is these that testify about Me; and you are unwilling to come to Me so that you may have life.” John 5:38-40 NASB

A few weeks later: 

“The system promises what following produces. But the system won’t deliver. So promising abundant life without teaching people to follow Jesus will lead to disappointment. You’ll either have to lower expectations or acknowledge something is missing. The system keeps speaking about a result it is not able to produce. Only truly following Christ will bring the completion we seek.”