Origin Story

I was not raised in a church environment exactly, though I was born and raised in the conservative and religion-friendly southern US where we attended church from time to time. After a somewhat typical (of the time) high school conversion to Christianity through participation in a Baptist youth group, my life was transformed as a follower of Jesus. My path led through the stereotypical high school youth ministry where I was mentored in my faith, and on to a college ministry (where I met my future husband) that was serious about fulfilling the Great Commission* through evangelism and making disciples in a small group environment. Wherever we lived we faithfully attended similar evangelical churches, always searching  for a place where the Bible was central to the teaching, and an outwardly mission-oriented culture was declared. We were consistently in community with other people our age. This was the earlier days of the “small group” model in evangelicalism. When we moved to Texas, we found a church that was similar and raised our four sons there. Each of them was baby-dedicated and youth group-graduated. As much as anyone could be, we were involved. Parenting class, kid’s ministry, youth volunteers, mission trips and small group leaders.

Along the way, in the busy-ness of life and raising a family, we settled in to a church system without realizing it. Not to say we did not have an active faith and authentic spiritual community and mission. We did. The years of doing church activities and making Christian friends were pleasant and comforting, while also being challenging and growth-producing, and God blessed us through them. However, by the time our kids started to move through the youth group culture, we had encountered challenges, many typical complaints and frustrations, but nothing motivating us to make a move. We were doing all the things, so there was not enough to force a change.

Hindsight is 20/20, and I can’t say what else we might have done. However, I have taken a hard look at the years inside this culture and recognized some patterns, and I have found some keys that help me understand why things are the way they are now. I learned a lot of church history, and studied the Bible more closely, read theology outside of the “system”, and questioned the teachings and practices of this religious culture. I gained some critical understanding, and I have recognized my own responsibility in the process.  I feel like I am re-learning the concept of Church. I’ve identified some spiritual blind spots many of us have in common, and I’ve discovered where some of the teaching and traditions originated, and asked God to give me discernment. I discovered deceptive teaching, counterfeit structures, and corruption. I asked God for forgiveness again, mostly for holding a prideful view of myself and our “religion”. I also repented for not listening to my gut, or the Holy Spirit, when things just felt “off” - for trusting in man’s leadership, because I did not believe I could hear God for myself. I trusted that the hierarchy of leaders were experts and therefore I limited myself to their type of teaching. I started to study things that had previously been ignored or set aside.

Things were not all bad! There is a lot of good news in this process! I learned that God is greater and kinder than I knew Him to be, and Jesus is more familiar and central to everything than I ever experienced before, and the Spirit – oh, the Spirit has been badly ignored and scandalously re-framed for hundreds of years. It feels like it’s time to throw down the counterfeit idea – destroy it completely – and build back up a true picture of what Jesus desires his Body to look and act like. I didn’t think I would use the term “deconstruction” to describe my experience. But that is literally what it is. We do not need to be afraid to tear down a structure that is hiding so much of our spiritual inheritance as sons and daughters of the King.

So I invite you, followers of Christ, or the curious crowd, to journey through this wilderness with me. You who have even a shred of hope that what you see playing out in the world today is not “as good as it gets” for the Church of Jesus Christ. That Yahweh, the God of the Bible, is different than you’ve seen portrayed, or that you’ve been told. Also for those of us, inside the “church” who are willing to be honest about the purpose of the church, and whether or not the current state of things is really what God intended, are you brave enough to question? Do you believe God is bigger than your religion? Are you teachable and unafraid?

I keep coming back to the stories of the Israelite people in the Old Testament. The Exodus, led by Moses, which removed the nation from slavery and captivity, destroyed their enemies (also God’s enemies), and the years of Wilderness that followed have been a powerful picture for me as I apply the lessons to the what I see in my own life as well as a large part of the American church. This is very simply, my travel journal written in the wilderness, interwoven with treasures I have unearthed along the way. It’s personal to me, but it may be helpful to others. I have benefited tremendously from the lives of others who were willing to share, and so my prayer is that I can be a signpost for someone else who feels a little lost, but is still traveling. We may not see the path ahead, but the same God who led his people with a pillar of fire and smoke will be our Guide as well He knows the itinerary and He has everything we need for the journey.